Mo' Money Mo' Problems

frustrated

2011-07-29T10:25:00.000-04:00

Just because you have an ounce of power at this place doesn't mean anything once we're out. Stop abusing it. Jerk.

If you are inconsiderate and don't even take an interest in me and how I'm doing, I'm not going to do these favors for you with thought. You suck and I cannot wait until you don't poison me anymore.

mouse situation

2011-07-27T14:32:00.003-04:00

The mice have infested my office. Fecal matter on desk. Multiple droppings. Dead mouse in the middle of my office. 15 mouse traps in my office.

gassy

2011-07-12T17:09:00.000-04:00

What's up apartment? Why don't you have any gas and why are you forcing me to eat out every meal when I am repaying $180,000 in loans and work 13-15 hours a day? That isn't fair now is it.

Also, what's up management? Why didn't you renew our lease when we asked you to and why are you attemping to overcharge us for your error?

2011-07-05T20:08:00.001-04:00

So when my plan runs out in 2 years I guess I am switching to sprint since that is the only service with unlimited data. I'm too busy to keep track of must data usage.

Old Workers

2011-06-30T15:07:00.002-04:00

PSA/FYI: Just because you've worked somewhere for a long time does not mean that 1) you are good at what you do 2) that you know what you're doing 3) that you're right.

Most likely, you're wrong, outdated and unnecessary.

2011-06-28T17:45:00.002-04:00

I wish I knew the translation for jan-soh-lee. It perfectly describes this admin lady.

2011-06-28T17:44:00.001-04:00

peeve: when people drone on and on about something - alright i get it. shut up.

2011-06-27T14:52:00.002-04:00

I have two job interviews lined up - one in VA and one in Chicago. Let's all pray for the one in VA....or any New York ones that may come along :)

2011-06-21T18:09:00.000-04:00

~~Everyone~~ Most people is are only looking out for themselves. The administrative assistant at my office has decided that it's okay for her to take off once a month for a week, but it's not okay for me to take a half a day on a Friday to take off for a job interview. I understand that she's old and has been working here for 7 years, but in this market, really? You would make me jeopardize a job opportunity because in her words she does not want to be "stuck with the Judge" on a Friday. Really lady? You have a secure job, no dependent kids, a house and a steady income. But of course it's not okay for you to sacrifice one half of a Friday so I can gain potential employment and relieve myself of this place.

She has annoyed me in the past before. But this is just totally inconsiderate of her to do. I have lost all interest in my current job. No inkling of humanity exists here. There is no joy here.

Oh right, I'm not even allowed to laugh or smile here, it's frowned upon.

when I'm up I'm up

2011-06-09T17:29:00.000-04:00

To my faithful family readers:

I got two jobs interviews today. One for a firm and one with an organization. This comes at quite a good time, as I have been very discouraged with my search. In total, I have applied to around 1,000 jobs. Times like this I wonder where God is taking me and whether this is the place He wants me to be. Exciting :D.

Now, back to work.

complaining

2011-06-07T23:13:00.001-04:00

I've been complaining a lot, so I started saying one thanksgiving for every complaint. For examples:
Bad: I work all the time and have no free time.
Good: I'm employed.

Bad: I really want gourmet cookies and cream ice cream but all this place has is nestle.
Good: I got ice cream.

This partly stems from some blogs I've been reading lately. Due to my stalking tendencies, I read one of my cousin's friend's blog - her toddler son has leukemia and she blogs about that a lot which I find quite interesting. Also, this one girl who I knew in high school indirectly, who probably doesn't even know who I am, was recently diagnosed with small cell cervical cancer and her blog has been very interesting as well. Life throws many curve balls. I shouldn't spend my healthy good years complaining.

2011-06-02T19:21:00.000-04:00

I have applied for more than 2,000 jobs in the past 3 months. If someone finds a job that requires tips for job searching - inquire within. Although I guess if I were truly awesome at it I would be employed.

2011-06-01T22:46:00.000-04:00

Everyday I contemplate quitting. I have realized what an angry person my job has made me and really has made me sacrifice so many important things in my life. I am less patient, less tolerant, more time restricted, more quickly angered.... I am trying to take the positives out of this job, but it gets harder each day. I am positive that I can get another job, just not in the law field and be comfortable. But then was all this education a waste? All this debt? These two factors restrict me from obtaining employment I know I would enjoy more. eh life.

2011-05-26T00:22:00.002-04:00

My life was so promising at one point. Now I am completely discontent with my life.

2011-05-26T00:18:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like you want to completely erase parts of your life or just people who you met in life? Is it because I am ashamed of my actions during that time and towards those people or because those people have hurt me or is it because they are constant reminders of what I want to be...The desire to create periodic amnesia is interesting to me.

why WCL sucks reason #3

2010-07-23T16:22:00.000-04:00

dear wcl,

what's up with the angry registrar lady?

why WCL sucks reason #2

2010-07-23T16:19:00.003-04:00

dear wcl,

what is up with the leaks all over the library. you should really get that fixed because the combination of the air conditioning and being rained on - somebody could get sick.

why WCL sucks reason #1

2010-07-23T16:19:00.000-04:00

Dear WCL,

Why must you drill during bar studying time. I saw the parking lot and it really doesn't look like you've done much except annoy me and cut off my studying.

new york new york

2010-07-22T16:54:00.000-04:00

Dear New York:

I hope we can repair our relationship in the future. You have put me through more pain and suffering than I ever wanted to endure and you may or may not pull through in the future. Please show me you are worth it. Oh and let me pass.

bar exam Tuesday-Thursday.

bar exam

2010-06-21T00:28:00.000-04:00

my life has turned into wake up 8:45am, school by 9:30, class until 1:00ish, eat until 2:30 study until 2:30am, then sleep.

i so look forward to the times where I can eat or have to look something up online, so I can sneak in some facebook time or blog time.

please pray for me as i study for this wretched exam. for all the complaining i do. i am thankful to have the opportunity to take this exam. to have gone to law school. to have been able to afford school. to not worry about employment crap. i am very thankful for my situation, even though sometimes i lose sight of it.

Bar Exam

2010-06-01T15:04:00.001-04:00

My life is taking a break for the next three months for the Bar Exam.

Pray for me! See you in August!

what time is it!?

2010-05-08T01:18:00.001-04:00

GRADUATION TIME ! MAY 23 - LAST GRADUATION EVER.

Law school

Boston College

High School

irregular v. regular, normal v. abnormal

2010-05-06T19:25:00.000-04:00

Today after work I made myself an apple, cheese, arugula salad with a turkey, cheese, avocado sandwich. It was delicious. Anyway, I made it, turned on the TV, and sat down to Giada at home. She was making a salad (normally when I watch the food network when I eat they're making something ridiculous and makes me completely unsatisfied with my meal, but not this time). She was putting Thai basil into her salad and she said something like:

"Thai basil is great, it has a great minty taste that regular/normal basil does not have."

That made me a little uncomfortable. Why is Thai basil not normal or regular. I'm sure that it is in Thailand and other places. She could have said, "great minty taste that commonly used basil in America does not have." That would have gotten the same point across. Why does Thai basil have to be irregular or abnormal. By saying that commonly used basil is normal, you make other ones not normal and therefore not as good as normal. It made me think of how often we categorize things in these categories, and how subjective it all is, and sometimes offensive. Many times things that are American are "normal," while others things are referenced as "not normal." So I warn you all, don't call something normal unless you're ready to intelligently defend why something else is abnormal. Just because it's normal for you, doesn't mean it is the norm for others...just a bit frustrated. The end, back to alternative dispute resolution.

graceful eating

2010-05-02T19:34:00.000-04:00

It's no secret that I love food and eating. I eat every three hours or so and just love it. My sister always tells me that when I eat, I eat like I've never eaten before. I always thought that too, but never really got it until today.

I was eating a salad in the library (without dressing :( I forgot it at home) and I just starting stuffing food into my mouth and couldn't chew. I had too much food in my mouth so some of it was half in my mouth the other parts out of my mouth and as I chewed food just went everywhere in my carrel. This wouldn't be so bad except every five minutes when I took a bite (that's a generous word, more like mouthful) of my salad, a person would come over to say hi or ask me something. As they did so, they looked at me with slight disgust and uncomfortableness...

I need to learn how to eat more gracefully...isn't that what grown ups do? Random story during my study break.

CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY

2010-05-01T01:18:00.001-04:00

I GOT A JOB! I will be working as a law clerk for the Honorable Brian Holeman at D.C. Superior. Praise the Lord!!!! Thank you family and friends once again for your love and support.

privileged

2010-05-01T01:17:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a client yesterday and her experience was my experience. She immigrated here and has been suffering financially, with the language, the culture, and the like. She wants her kids to do well in school so her hardship is not all for naught. As she was telling me her story, I found it totally relatable. Being a 1.5 generation kid, I totally felt her pain and recognized her struggle. Her story and my story, it was like the same thing. I kept relaying to her how much I understood and what not. But then it hit me.

I am her attorney.

Her story is totally relatable but not all at the same time.
I have a hard time disassociating myself from my parents' lives. I take on their pain, their struggles, and their worries, as my own. I feel that we are one unit. But really, I don't know the pain of leaving your whole family to come to another country for the sake of your kids. I don't know what it's like to manage finances for a household of four when your income is barely liveable. I don't know the struggles of working a job day in and out that you too qualified to do. Their struggles are not my struggles. I felt the collateral effects, but the brunt of it, is not mine. Their story is not my story.

My story is that I grew up with a financial difficult background, but in a loving home, where I had both parents who loved me, supported me, cared for me, prayed for me, blessed me in any way I needed, and took care of me. I had a car when I was sixteen. A cell phone when I was 14 years old. I went to the mall. I went out with friends. I went to the movies. I went to dances. I ran away from home. I went to college. I am in law school. Objectively, I look privileged: I grew up in N.Y., not too far from NYC. I went to school at Boston College. I am now attending school in D.C. and have a car and a nice apartment. I have nice clothes and accessories.

Even though I did grow up in a struggling family, that did not really affect me as much as it could have and really I don't even know the majority of the struggle because my parents didn't want me to be concerned. I enjoy or appreciate my parents' struggle and that is why I have taken it as my own. I have defined myself as a survivor and that has made me into the hard working anal retentive human being that I am.

back to the client: so after speaking with my client, I realized how foolish I must have looked. This girl, me, student attorney, attending law school, driving away in my car, was telling this woman that we have similar lives. I felt awful. It was such a crazy moment for me to realize that I am privileged. The word and concept I desire to fight against and educate is what I am. I realize that this is over-dramatic, but it was an A-HA moment for me and it made me realize how much more sensitive I need to be with my clients...

fasting v. dieting

2010-04-01T22:37:00.001-04:00

Since Wednesday, yesterday, I've been fasting. Not a full on fast, but a Daniel fast of sorts. Not indulging and sticking basically to fruits and veggies. I have specific things weighing on my heart and I thought this Wednesday intil Easter would be a great time to do this.

My church here went did a church wide fast in February and Pastor Wes preached out of Matthew 6 and noted that it's a when and not a if. WHEN you pray, WHEN you fast.

Occassionally I've had thoughts of how great this is and good for my diet, then I feel guilty. But then I realized that no actual diet I ever go on would have the power to motivate me to NOT eat all these things. Unfortunately my will power is 0 in all things, except Jesus. Hooray for that :)

today i am an adult

2010-03-03T21:28:00.001-05:00

While watching TV and thinking about some family issues, I realized that I am an adult. I used to hate when my parents talked about finances, rude customers and the like, because it would stress me out. How selfish I have been. I am an adult. My parents are stessed out and need to vent. How selfish have I been to deny them and to think only of my own feelings. Like I tell many people, I now have to man up and be the strong one and the shoulder to rely on.

job update

2010-02-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

I have given up on my job search and have been more concerned with finding the appropriate agency to go to Korea with...but then the other day I got a call for an interview. I thought all the interviews had stopped but apparently there may still be hope. Perhaps God had closed all those doors to open this door...but who knows. I feel more at peace with what's happening and I am sure that things will work out. But even still, please send prayers and good thoughts my way.

This last semester is going too fast..I guess it's because I don't want it to go at all. I fully appreciate school and love it.

"That's what happens when you get older"

2009-12-29T23:56:00.000-05:00

Sister: That's what happens when you get older.

I was looking through old photographs of college (mine and others) and I realized that I am boring. My sister's response was that this is because I am getting older. I understand that I am getting older and with that comes schedules, routines, pressures to get married, hip problems, osteoporosis, and the like (kidding about some). I used to be more spontaneous, more outgoing, more fun in general (subjective fun), but I feel that the past couple of years, whether due to law school or age, I have become just boring. I'm too tired to do anything the evenings I have free, I feel pressured down by school work even if I don't have much (the thought of maybe additional work in the future prevents me from doing anything now, if that makes any sense) and the like. The one spontaneous thing I did this year is drive to AC on a Wednesday at 8pm. I want to do more stuff like that. Clearly, I know that my definition of fun is different than many others and that this will change as my life changes and my priorities change, but for now, I feel boring. It doesn't make me feel old, it just makes me feel like I'm losing a part of myself that I used to cherish.

I'm not much into resolutions, but life will just get busier, so this next semester, I will be more spontaneous. I will live more in freedom, with less inhibitions.

No words

2009-12-28T23:54:00.001-05:00

I love being home because I love lounging and seeing my family. But being home is also a reminder that I cannot speak Korean and therefore cannot communicate with my parents. I can understand a lot but have no tools to communicate a response or most of what I feel.

Lately, I've wanted to have conversations with my parents about my goals and my life in general, but cannot do so because I have no words. I have no words to tell them that perhaps law school wasn't for me, or that I want to go off to Korea or Spain next year, or that I don't like when they talk about marriage, or that I'd be okay with not making lots of money, or that...well lots of things. I want to develop a deeper relationship with them so that I understand them more and they can know who I am more, but sadly this cannot occur. I feel like my parents would understand my choices more if I could communicate my reasons for them (obviously) but I cannot. It pains me when I want to tell them something or ask them for advice and I just can't and I'm sure they feel similarly. Imagine wanting to tell your parents about a new boyfriend, why you don't want to do what they want you to do, why you're sad that day, but lacking the tools to do so... Simple things like this I so desire and so many take it forgranted on a daily basis...

I vow a lot. But I really vow this year that I WILL learn Korean. I don't know how, or if I'll succeed. But I feel that I must if I want any relationship beyond, "hey how's it going? good, how are you? good" with my parents.

direction

2009-12-28T03:43:00.001-05:00

With the pressures of finding of job, and finding that evermore hard to do. I've realized that maybe God is pointing to another direction. Law school has been suffocating me more so than most years this year and I don't see the point in it anymore. I've worked hard these past few years with, what it seems like, nothing to show for it. It's a sentiment shared by many, but nonetheless individually strongly felt. I've had dreams - dreams to be a wedding planner, even a personal assistant (yes, I know) and to adopt troubled youth or at least work with them in some capacity, but law school has blinded me to what I previously wanted to do when all that existed were choices. I feel caught in a career that I would not choose if I could rewind three years.

I interviewed at over 10 places, which is a lot, and none of them wanted me. I know that it's nothing against me personally, but when I see others getting the jobs I could have or that I interviewed for as well, it beats me down. I try not to think about it much, but as graduation gets closer, I can't help but replay those interviews and figure out what I could have done better. I even think maybe God is punishing me for some sin in my life, but God may also have something else, something better, planned for me. Why is God closing all these doors for me, which door will be opened?

I've been thinking lately that I want to enjoy my life again. I want to indulge myself in the passions I have. My best friend always asks me what I enjoy doing, what my hobbies are. Well, these three years have sucked out any hobbies I did have and made my hobbies sleeping and eating without worrying. So often throughout these years, I am so overwhelmed that eating without worry or without a time frame is a luxury. I do though love to sing and even exercise (only the fun kind). I want to try and find an acapella or choir that I can join in DC... I love teaching and want to do more. I've been thinking of going to Korea and teaching English for a year. This would give me time to reevaluate my goals, give me money to pay back my loans and learn Korean. As I pray about this next step in my life, I am scared and anxious to see where I will be in a short six months.